just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
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