I'm sorry my penis didn't work
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
Randomize
