I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
Randomize
