whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
