i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
