its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
I think my vagina is haunted
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize