You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
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If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
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You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
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