So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
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