roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Randomize
