What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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