bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
Randomize
