Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
