Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
