he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
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