omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
Randomize
