I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
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