oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
