I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
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