I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
Can you repeat that, but with context?
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
Randomize
