More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
Randomize
