I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
Randomize
