He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
Banned from zoo.
Again?
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
