i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Randomize
