I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Randomize
