dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
Randomize
