i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
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Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
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why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
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