wakey wakey hands off snakey
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
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