It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
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I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
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You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
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