do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize
