My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
one word: firstdatebathroomanal
I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Randomize
