im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
