no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
