he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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