He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Randomize
