roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
We need to get me chipped asap
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
