Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize
