I'm sorry my penis didn't work
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
