According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
Randomize
