plz talk dirty to me
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
Randomize