New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
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