is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
