Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
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