dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
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