i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Randomize
