Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
Randomize
