Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
Randomize
