Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
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