it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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