Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
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