everyone is single if you try hard enough
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize
