oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
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