dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
