their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
