the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
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