Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
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