i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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