he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
Randomize
