the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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