I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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