I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Randomize
