this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
Couch. On fire.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Randomize
