I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
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