What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
Randomize
