there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
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