look no pants
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
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