Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
Randomize
