im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
Randomize
