my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
he had hair everywhere except his balls
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
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