the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
