Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
