I love black thongs
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize
