the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
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