Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
Randomize
