i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
I party with great urgency now.
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