It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Randomize
