He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Randomize
