I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
Randomize