I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
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