I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
my vag is so smooth its legendary
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Randomize
